need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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