You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Boobs are out for the taking
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
