I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
