how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
