Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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