I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
