this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Randomize
