a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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