first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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