Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
