Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
