How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
how drunk are you?
Several
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
