The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need to calm my uterus...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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