Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
