I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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