I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
