I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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