2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
