I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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