If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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