And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
