at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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