some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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