I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
