shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God, I missed his penis.
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