i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
