i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
