my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
