you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
