im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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