so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
