went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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