I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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