if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
