dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
