i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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