i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We left the knife in your bed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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