Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
