did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
