Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
