So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
