I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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