just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
