its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
