dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
