I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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