mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
