So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
