were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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