google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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