Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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