i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
